With a Kingsman prequel coming out in the future, I thought that in advance of seeing that movie, I would look back at the two movies in the franchise thus far and do posts on each of them. I own both of the movies now since I got them from my town’s video store before it closed. I have seen both of them before so that will play into some of what I write during this review. Now let’s get to the first of the movies in this franchise, if no longer the first chronologically.
Watch this as an alternative to reading this post: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A-tZvV589U
We begin in the Middle East in 1997 with a chopper attacking what appears to be terrorists and then is revealed to be more of a terrorist base in the background. Inside the base, a man sacrifices himself to save others. This man is dead now and another one talks to his widow and her child giving this child a medal. She doesn’t know what this person did for a living or how he died.
17 years later in Argentina, a man is either kidnapped or appears to be. This is when a man shows up and attacks this man with a gun. After taking out these men, this man seeks to free the victim, Professor Arnold, only to wind up slashed by a woman’s medal feet. She unties the bounds of the captive and welcomes a new man in the house. This is his kind of welcome. He doesn’t like violence and speaks with a lisp. He wants to be friends with this person.
At a special tailor shop, Harry shows up and talks about Lancelot, the dead agent, as people at a virtual meeting all drink for him. They need to find a new person to replace the now dead Lancelot and will each put up a candidate to replace this person. Merlin then walks in to explain something about some of what lead to Lancelot’s death. The professor is not missing as he reported to work as normal. This man is a climate change doomsday prophet. Lancelot sought to rescue this man alone. Harry Galahad is told to find someone better than the last candidate of 17 years ago.
A person named Eggsy talks to his mother about Dean and Eggsy is told to move out since there are too many people there. Eggsy is the same child from earlier. Talking to his friends at a bar, he gets into a confrontation with others, but leaves with this person’s car keys. It isn’t long that he’s in the stolen car that he gets into a chase with a policeman. His friends escape, but he gets arrested.
At the police station, he pulls out the medal and makes a phone call. He gets out of the station and he talks to Harry. They talk to each other at a bar that they go to. Harry criticizes some of Eggsy’s life choices while explaining that he owes him since his father had made a sacrifice that saved him and his team. The men who bullied Eggsy earlier complain to Harry and he looks like he’s about to leave. A complaint on his way out leads to him locking the door and it leads to the second best line of the film: “Manners maketh man.”
Harry then takes out these men singlehandedly in a fight using tools like his fists and an umbrella that protects him from bullets. He apologizes for the mess afterwards and talks to Eggsy some more. Eggsy is bugged when he returns home and Dean starts assaulting him over what had happened at the bar. Harry talks over the speaker about getting Dean locked up and tell Eggsy to go to the tailor that they talked about. Eggsy makes his escape.
At the tailor shop, Eggsy talks to Harry and knows that Harry is not a tailor. Harry wants Eggsy to be a Kingsman, which is like a spy. Most of these people are powerful men who lost their heirs to World War I. They became a spy organization of sorts as the new knights. They go down a secret place and make their way to the secret base. Eggsy joins the other recruits where Merlin talks to them. Only one of them will be the next Lancelot. They have a body bag that they are supposed to put their next of kin on. They have to be confidential about this. He meets Roxy and other recruits.
Valentine talks to a person about wanting to save the planet. He wants to fix climate change and he also talks about finding a solution to it. He wants someone to agree to all his terms. I think that someone is said to be the president of the United States and they have to agree to all his terms.
Back at the headquarters, the room that they are sleeping in fills up with water until they are all under it and needing to find air. Eggsy tries to open the door, but can’t do it. He swims to the mirror as the others all try to breathe underwater. Eggsy is able to break his way out of it through the mirror. Merlin says that they all failed as they forgot about teamwork and see that one of the recruits lays dead.
Harry talks to Professor Arnold, confronting the man. Arnold’s head explodes after not getting much information out of him. Valentine witnesses this and learns that a protocol works. He wants to figure out who the organization that is after him as there are many possibilities.
Merlin talks to his boss, Arthur, as Harry is treated at the hospital there. Each of the trainees get a dog that they will treat as a partner. The dog cause issues for Eggsy during training. Meanwhile, Valentine seeks to get his product ready. Charlie, a recruit, does a prank as they try to sleep.
Valentine talks to a prime minister and a princess about what they want he wants to do. She thinks that he is crazy and is taken away. The prime minister, a Republican, doesn’t really care if she is harmed or not. She witnesses violence.
A man is shown with a scar and there is a chip put it in. Eggsy is one of the final six candidates. He and the recovered Harry are shown someone’s head being blown up by a chip in the brain. Eggsy knows a lot about the genius known as Valentine and sees how there are chips in people’s head. Harry wants to go undercover as an alias worth kidnapping.
The recruits are then shown going on a jumping mission where they have to last a certain amount of time in the air and hit the target in the end. Merlin says that they have to do come under the radar and that one of them doesn’t have a parachute. Eggsy comes up with a plan to ensure that one of them will land safely in case they are the one without a parachute. Eggsy and Roxy land together on the target. Charlie is the only candidate besides them to land where they were supposed to. Eggsy wonders why he was the expendable person, only to learn that he had a parachute like everyone else.
Valentine talks to Harry after Harry was said to make a huge donation. They get a private meal and it turns out to be McDonalds. Harry thinks that they are past the point of no return with climate change and cannot go back. Valentine hints about spy movies and talks about how he can’t be a spy in the end. He talks about the proposal that Arthur had. There is a tracker gel in his wine. The South Glade Mission church, actually a hate group, is the only thing that Harry was able to get from the mission. They also learn that Princess Tildy is missing now along with other celebrities. Valentine is giving out lots of sim cards to the general public. She refuses to agree to his terms.
On their next mission, the three remaining recruits are all told that they are going after the same woman and they all mention various things at once trying to get him. All of their drinks are drugged. Eggsy then wakes up tied to a train track. A train is coming after him as this man asks about Kingsman. He reveals nothing. Roxy had passed the test. Charlie fails the text by revealing Kingsman and saying that it is not worth dying for. There are no more safety nets going forward.
Eggsy talks to Harry about all the headlines that ran after he thwarted different threats that tons of people knew nothing about. Harry reveals that there are biometrics that he has to use in order to do his main task in the end, even though they hurt. The church is a test ground. Eggsy is shown a lot of what is there at the tailor shop as there are various tools being shown there. Valentine is shown to be there at the tailor shop as well. He says that his people will be getting in touch with Harry. They seem to have issues of some sort in a spat of words. Harry was able to bug him.
Eggsy talks to the boss in charge of Kingsman and is given a gun. He is then told to shoot the dog. We also see Roxy undergo the same test as well. Eggsy refuses to shoot JB, namely his dog. He is told that he failed the test. Roxy is sent in as she had more balls then he did. She is the new Lancelot. He is glad that his dog is okay. He returns to where his mother is and notices signs of abuse on her. He says that this will stop where it is now. He confronts Dean about what is going on only to be in a car that isn’t under his control. Harry drives it to where he is.
Walking into this place, Harry reveals that the gun was full of blanks. Eggsy had stolen the car. Harry listens to what Valentine is plotting and goes to where the church is since this is where the test is going on with what Valentine is doing. Harry is at the service and Valentine is ready to conduct the test. He is about to leave, when a woman stops him. This leads to the best line of the film.
“I’m a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend who works in a military abortion clinic. So hail Satan and have a lovely afternoon, madam.” As a devout Christian, I love that line.
As he is leaving, Valentine starts the test and hopes that enough people have sim cards. This leaves to an all out brawl in the church that Valentine can’t stomach himself to watch. One of the best scenes in the whole movie, there is a shootout with Free Bird in the background. Everyone was affected whether or not they had a sim card as they fight and kill each other. Could this wipe out Kingsman? Both Merlin and Eggsy are watching this in addition to the bad guys.
Harry realizes that he killed them and wanted to as he only came to his senses after Valentine turned this off. He talks to Valentine and Valentine hints about his real plan before he shoots Harry in the head. It will start the next day. Eggsy talks to Arthur, the leader of Kingsman, about the plan of what will happen next. Arthur says that Valentine will be caught and tried since all of the recordings would used as evidence. Eggsy notices a scar in this man’s neck, making him part of what Valentine is planning. He admits this to Eggsy who says that he would rather be with Harry. Eggsy uses sleight of hand in order to kill Arthur and learn of more of this plan.
Merlin, Roxy, and Eggsy get together and quickly launch a plan to take out a satellite in order to stop the plan and take down the system. Merlin learns that the sim cards are what caused people’s heads to explode and gives them immunity from the affects of Valentine’s plan. They drop Roxy off so she can shoot it out. Meanwhile, Eggsy is supposed to go undercover as Arthur, whose real name is Chester. Valentine does a speech for the people gathered where he is at.
In the meanwhile, Eggsy puts on his disguise as Roxy continues her ascent. Merlin is able to land in this place with Eggsy. They are able to fool the people and get inside. Eggsy blends in this place and seeks to sleuth his way in.
He gets caught by someone, possibly Charlie, but is able to quickly leave by electrocuting him, but not before the others are alerted to his presence there. Roxy has troubles taking out the satellite, but she is able to launch the missile before she falls. Eggsy winds up in a gunfight as the missile takes it out. Merlin learns that he can’t hack the biometrics. Eggsy will have to go right back out to where he was.
Learning of the system failure, Valentine gets someone else to move their satellite. Merlin notices this and Eggsy has to get back in the action with a new gun and tons of people after him. It seems that both of them are out of options. Eggsy wants Roxy to call his mother to keep her safe from others. He then remembers the implants that are then turned on before they either of them can die. Valentine is not able to stop this and they are all dead.
Eggsy learns of Princess Tildy who wants to be saved and will do more than just kiss him if she is freed from this. But Valentine is still able to start his plan. Many people start killing or otherwise attacking each other. Eggsy briefly stops this before the woman who might have a name uses her blades in order to fight Eggsy. They can’t seem to gain an advantage on the other one yet. But he is able to take her out in the end and he uses one of her legs to kill Valentine and prevent the mass murders from happening in the end. I don’t know how much damage was done.
Eggsy returns to where Princess Tildy with alcohol and they do it. We then go back to where Dean is with Eggsy’s mother, Michele. He has a new job and wants to walk away from this place, but after he is taunted like Harry was earlier, he decides to take out these people.
That’s pretty much all that there is for this film. It was awesome and I don’t know if my summary can do it justice in the end. I love this film or I wouldn’t have bought it. I’m just lucky that I saw it when I did or I might not have known that it was as good as it was. I still could have seen it or borrowed it from my brother as he has a copy of just the first one. I enjoyed this film and will look forward to it again.
While that’s it for this blog post, I will be back with the sequel for this at some point in time. I hope that it is sooner rather than later. Surely theaters are open and back to normal by now, right? I want to see the prequel in theaters and don’t know what would happen if they are still closed by then. But what I do know is that I should see it at some point and look forward to it. Will it be as good as the other two? We’ll see. For now, this is Adam Decker, signing off.
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