I had the idea for this post for quite a while. Now, after the election related lawsuits almost all failed spectacularly, this seemed like a good time to do this post where I go through a whole bunch of hypothetical court scenarios where a lawyer using Republican arguments and these fail to work in court due to how they wouldn’t hold up for some reason or another. I’ll start with the type of argument and let the scenario play out from there.
Argument one: You do the research!
Judge: What evidence do you have to support this claim?
Lawyer: You do the research!
Judge: It is not up to me to determine what research needs done for this case. Now what proof is there that the claim you are making is valid?
Lawyer: You do the research!
Judge: This does not convince me of anything.
Argument two: Whataboutism
Lawyer: My client should not be charged with a crime.
Judge: Why is that?
Lawyer: Because plenty of other people who have committed crimes have not been charged with crimes themselves.
Judge: Does this in some way invalidate the crime that your client is accused of? Do others being guilty of their crimes mean that your client is innocent of his?
Lawyer (stumbling): Well, no.
Judge: Request to drop charges is denied.
Argument three: Whataboutism version 2
Lawyer: My client is innocent.
Judge: How so?
Lawyer: Someone else committed a completely unrelated crime that has nothing to do with this one my client is accused of.
Judge: How does that prove his innocence?
Lawyer: Um, well, it does, doesn’t it?
Judge: No.
Argument four: A lack of evidence is evidence.
Judge: What evidence do you have to support the claims of fraud?
Lawyer: Well, I have none, but a lack of evidence is evidence.
Judge: That makes no sense.
Lawyer: Yes is does.
Judge: You are trying to prove that voter fraud existed, right? Do you have evidence to back up these claims?
Lawyer: A lack of evidence is evidence.
Judge: Do you not understand how evidence works?
Argument five: Caught in a lie. (From reality, paraphrasing)
(The lawyer is trying to argue that Republicans were not allowed in the room.)
Judge: How many Republicans were in that room?
Lawyer: A non-zero amount.
Judge: So what appears to be the problem?
Argument six: Let the guilty go unpunished.
Judge: Are you trying to say that your client is guilty, but despite not admitting guilt or remorse for his actions, he shouldn’t suffer any negative repercussions for his actions because this trial was punishment enough?
Lawyer: Yes.
Judge:
Get out of my courtroom. You’re a disgrace.
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